Not My life Book OneWillows' story
by booth258
Summary: In light of bones coming back tonight after being off for a long while,I've decided to do a crossover where willow gets an oppertunity to go to the jeffersonian and be like a squint. not good with summaries
1. Chapter 1

--Willows' Point of View--

Nothing seemed new or different about today, it was the same as every other day. I wasn't a huge fan of going to college alone, me and Tara only had acouple of courses together, I missed the days when me and buffy went to most of our classes together and shared a dorm, ofcourse not I wasn't on campus and lived with buffy in her house,but alot had went on. Mrs. Summers had died and buffy needed to be at home, to be in Sunnydale all of the time, things had gotten more serious and she was needed there because she was the slayer, not just that. but now she had to take care of dawn. She couldn't just go to college as if nothing had changed. sometimes I felt sorry for her, her whole life was fixed to the standards of the watchers' council, nothng was completely hers and now with dawn, instead of just being a sister, she had to be a mother now that hers had died. I'd offered to give up college but she'd had none of that, said that it was my dream, which was true..but she'd begged me not to give it up, saying that I could be something great one day with the knowledge I was getting at UC Sunnydale, I'd even heard her say several times on how I shouldn't have settled for Sunnydale College, how I should've went to Harvard or Yale, like was my dream. but I enjoyed helping buffy out, figthing the forces of darkness with her, it gave my life more meaning and color to be a part of this although lately I'd gotten back into my schooling again and I had such dreams, dreams I feared I'd never be able to succeed at going to a school like this. but I"d chosen this. I'd decided to stay and help buffy and go to a simple college. it was my decision. I had no one to blame but myself if things didn't work out the way I wanted them to.

I'd found myself in phsychology, this was a class I took alone, Tara didn't go to many classes anymore. she'd dropped our witch group completely and just took acouple of physics classes, that I didn't see her much, we still made plans outside of college and we even did spells together still, but alot had changed. I had changed. I was wanted to pursue alot more than an on campus girlfriend. I think Tara understood that.

It had been a long night and I really wasn't with it, I couldn't wait til this class was over and I could meet Tara for a muffin or a cookie or something, I'd missed her last night. somehow I felt that she'd been avoiding me as if she knew that I was getting back into my dreams and what I wanted out of life with college and she didn't want to get in the middle of that, she'd told me a while back that she wasn't even sure she'd finish a full term in college, that she wanted to succeed at something but she didn't have the kind of dreams that would take her places. Not like I did. I didn't understand. I thought everybody had dreams like I did. wanted to be something that I had to fight for. wasn't that what everyone wanted. although", I wasn't sure. Maybe I was wrong. I felt me and Tara's relationship sliding away from me, I'd sit for hours at night in the room that used to be buffy's mothers, I no longer lived on campus. and I'd sit and worry, fearing that I'd lose Tara. it wasn't like the relationship me and Oz had, I'd never wanted to believe it at the time but I"d always known that something was missing between us, there was always something that kept us seperated, apart from eachother. At the time when we'd been dating I'd believed that it was simply because he was a werewolf and I didn't understand it, although there was alot I didn't understand as far his supernatural changes, that's why we'd broken up in the first place, Oz was convinced that the wolf was in him more than when there was a full moon so he went off to find a cure, and I'd found love. the true kind. the kind that didn't turn and leave when things got hard. but I felt Tara slipping away from me. she'd said millions of times.."Will", we want different things out of life. this isn't going to last forever.."You know that", right? I'd just sit there in awe, shocked at the fact that she didn't believe in us. she'd said a ton of times that she did and that she wanted to be together forever but it wasn't practical..that I was going to go off and do wonderful things,I had a future and her dreams wouldn't lead her much further than Sunnydale,California. I hated when she said stuff like that, she didn't believe that she had anything special that could take her places, she kept telling me that I had enough hope and belief for the both of us and that I didn't need to feel about her because she planned to just stay at a community college and not go outside of Sunnydale, she'd said a thousand times that a sunnydale life, helping buffy..and just being a part of the stuff that we dealt with everyday was enough for her, there was times that it was enough for me,too. I know I'd made the choice to not go to a top college, I'd been accepted to Harvard..Yale..almost every School with a stamp and I'd chosen to stay behind and go to UC Sunnydale. There had been more reasons than what I gave buffy, there truly was. I loved helping her and learn wiccan spells. being a part of that was special to me, it made me feel like I was something more powerful than I was. and I loved the feeling I got from doing things and helping buffy but I'd started to feel bad for my choice, I'd always wanted to go to Harvard or Yale..Mostly Yale..although harvard had been my fathers' dream. We hadn't talked for a year..He'd told me that the day I graduated and gave up on every oppertunity I had, it was the day I ruined my laugh and he refused to be a party to that. but he blamed buffy for everything, he'd known that I didn't want to leave my friends behind so it automatically was her fault, he wasn't going to make me stay away from her, I was a grown woman now and I was in college..but until I'd given up on that, he didn't want to be a part of my life. it hurt but Tara had made things better, I'd hadn't spoke to him for a year and half, and he hadn't made any attempt to understand..but my parents were rarely ever home before so it wasn't much of a difference. although I missed living in the dorms with buffy..I understood why she had to drop out, her mother was sick..but I still missed the college life. although it was nice going home and spending time with her and Xander..Even Dawnie. She was my chess buddy. but sometimes I felt that I made a mistake staying behind, everyone was moving on but we were no different than we were in high school, i'd seen certain looks on buffy's face..as if she felt the same way but had no way out when I had. sometimes I really did feel bad for her, this had seemed all neat and fun..Adventurous even in high school but now maybe i was getting what buffy's life was like. but I didn't want to fail anybody, especially not buffy.or even Tara..but I needed a change, I just didn't understand how easy the change would come until I walked into the deans' office, being interrupted from class, I'd feared I was in trouble even though I didn't do anything, I never did anything to warrant seeing the dean, I'd missed acouple of days due to Dawn. she was feeling terrible, she'd told me in confidence that she didn't feel real and that she felt as if her life didn't matter, it was built on lies and evil afterall.."She told me that she'd never say anyting like this to buffy"..To her, she truly was her sister and she didn't want to hurt her. but deep down I knew that if she truly had suspicions about who she was or where she came from..Who her real parents were...She should talk to buffy..Even Giles. I hadn't thought she could have real parents, I'd believed like everyone else that Dawn had just appeared..made from Summers' blood but I believed what dawn said about her dreams..that she knew there were people out there..people that were her family.."Really her family", and not more lies. I couldn't tell buffy though because she was right..Buffy would freak out. Ever since she'd coped with saving her from saving dawn from glory, without dying herself she'd been attatched to dawn because dawn had been through to much. I remembered the day she killed ben/Glory. she'd found out afew months after her mother died that ben was glory..and that they wanted Dawn..she'd staged a plan when ben was glory and not the other way around and she'd killed him herself, ever since then she'd been acting weird..not as free as she usually did. I figured it was not just because Dawn's life was int he ballance..she'd killed an innocent. Ben had been an innocent human being, just used by glory and she'd had to sacrifice him to save Dawn..but I'd told her many times that it was her only choice. she had to. but it didn't make it any easier. but i told dawn that we'd tell buffy when it was easier..When it wouldn't hurt as much to hear it. buffy was going through stuff right now and she was so close to dawn that any little thing would upset her, I had finally convinced Dawn that it was best to wait even though she was falling a part inside, i knew she didn't want to hurt buffy. she just wanted some normalcy. she wanted what every girl her age had..a family and people that she knew were a part of her. Memories that she could depend on. But I truly felt that what I said was best for everybody.

I tried to rid my mind of everything..Buffy and dawn..Even Me and Tara and my fears that she was right and she'd never reach for anything more than what she had now and that my road would lead me away from Tara, as much as I hated the thought, I wandered if maybe she wasn't right.

Stepping inside I saw a nice medium sized office, it had oak floors and pure white walls, so white it burned my eyes and forced me to be fully alert. there was one couch, brown swede-like leather with glass tables and small geraniums to set the mood. Dean Ferrara's desk was a polished oak, messy with folders and business papers, even pens were scattered along the desk and he sat there,with his greyish brown hair messed just like the desk seemed to be, his greenish blue eyes had a friendly and understanding tone to them..his suit was even rumpled. maybe it was this morning. I hadn't been alert either, atleast not until I learned that the dean wanted to see me, which always seemed to make anyone nervous but I wandered if I was in trouble, I hoped not. I'd done my best on every exam, mostly A's,acouple of B's. my grades had slipped the last couple of days becuase I was worried about Dawn and Buffy..but nothing that the dean would need to see me about.

He must've seen the worried frenzy and horror in my face as my crimson hair, pulled up into a ponytail swayed from side to side, I usually didn't wear my hair like this but like I'd said, I wasn't iwth it and I wanted the day to go as quickly as possible, besides, I didn't think it looked bad. even giles' had said that for a hardworking girl there was alot more dishonorable things than a bad hairday..I had to smile to myself.."Giles believed in me"..he always would. I wished my father still had that kind of faith.

"Ms. Rosenberg", I assure you that your not in trouble. you're a straight A student. One of the smartest Students in your Class. I assure you that this is more a delightful conversation than a punishment, Take a seat on the couch..you'll see what I mean. he ordered brushing hair with a delightful smile as I began to relax glad that I wasn't in any trouble, apparently by the expression on his face, this was good news and I could news even though I'd never been much on surprises.

You know that every Quarter we do a test to test all students on where their potential lies and to give other schools and places of business an oppertunity to know which students they are interested in advancing and which ones aren't suitable well as you know you did a mess load of tests..Physics,Phsych,Geography and so on..you did science projects and computer technology projects and we sent a result of this to schools around the world..but they weren't the only ones' that got the results. you've got choices to make young lady..and not many kids will have the same choices, I have heard that you had an oppertunity to go to any school you wanted when you graduated high school, yet you stayed here..Why isn't important. but now I'd concern yourself more with advancing yourself because you and three other students have done remarkably well in these tests, so well in fact that your path leads you away from Sunnydale, away from this community college to something bigger..the dean explained, I was confused, I knew about the tests he spoke of, I knew I'd done pretty well but it sounded like he was shocked at how good I'd actually done, I didn't understand what he was saying though. Was he kicking me out of college because I did good. That didn't make since.

"I don't understand", I retorted a bit confused, Are you kicking me out because I did good on the tests"? I asked abit confused as he smiled, I knew he wasn't making fun of me but the way he'd put it had sounded that way".

"No", don't think of it as I'm kicking you out of college..you can stay here if you want but my professional opinion as the dean of this school..this isn't an oppertunity to give up..I've heard back from Yale..Harvard..they want you if you're interested with them to continue college and not stay at a community college. those are good choices but I have spoke with Mr. Goodman who runs a section of the jeffersonian institute in Washington, he wants to have you as part of a team, not as a learning experience. but it's a job and a oppertunity. if you chose to take him up on his offer you would graduate early..If I was in your place..I would except but it's your decision, Miss rosenberg. The dean explained to me and I wasn't sure what to say, I still needed more information before I could honestly decide to think about it thoroughly".

Dr. Goodman has already paid for your plane ticket to Washington if your interested and you would be running a computer program and identifying certain cases, investigating them and writing a report you would have to show a presentation in front of the FBI, it's a high risk job in which you will have FBI protection if you need it. if that is the reason you say "No", to this oppertuinity it is understood, but it's still a great oppertunity and you are encouraged to create as much as you want..programs to better the science and help with anything that goes on in the lab. I've seen you in your element and no that your good at computers..that you are very good at scientific analysis and biology..I think this is a great oppertunity but I don't want you to give me an answer right now..I want you to mull this over and think about it before you decide. Take the rest of the day off and study this information i've been given for you..Please, don't jump into a decision without thinking about it..This could change everything.."This could be a dream come true"..now we've already contacted your father and he knows so you can talk about it..he told me not aware that me and my father hadn't spoke for a year and a half, I was curious as to what he thought about this, was this the one thing that could get us talking again, like family", i wandered. a part of me was scared of change, I didn't want to leave everything behind. I had so much to gain..But again in the same sense, I had so much to loose. if I left. Tara would be right. and I'd be leaving willow and Xander..and Giles..I'd be leaving him too. and Dawnie. How coud I leave Dawnie. i didn't know what to say but he was right, this wasn't a decision I made right at this moment, I should think about it.. I should. I'd talk about it with buffy..with my friends. Even though I didn't want to leave them. This felt wrong even considering leaving. but maybe the dean was right, maybe this was an oppertunity I didn't want to turn down. I wasn't so worried about the fact that it was a dangerous, life on the edge job..my life was always on the edge in Sunnydale, everyones' lives were..I knew this was different but I was more concerned about leaving everyone I loved behind, this was the only life I'd known..even though they chose me because I had certain gifts.."Would I fit in out there in Washington", Could I start over? those were the questions I asked myself on my way back to buffys'..I'd have to explain to them..but I knew my booklet and information would explain everything so I as soon as I walked into the door, I took a deep breath and simply handed it to buffy..buffy's eyes sparkled with excitement..pride, even as she told giles' what it said.

"My that's wonderful", I always knew that you would do something extroadinary"..This is good news. Xander..there's some brandy in the corner Cabinet..Giles called with a smile, he was proud of me but I wasn't ready to celebrate".

"No", Wait..I didn't say that I'd excepted..I charged overhearing Xander muttered", that's a relief"..I knew it came out sounding rude but Xander had never been without me, we'd grown up together.

"Are you joking", I hope that was a joke. you cannot just turn this oppertunity away without thinking about the possiblities..What you could do. the type of things you change in the world. Everything is at your finger tips, In washington you'll have so much to offer people and staying in Sunnydale, going to a community college, it was never your path. you know that. and now you've got a chance..A chance to do something great, yet make your father a part of your life again, I know it's hurt you that he was upset about your decision but now things change..you should accept this oppertunity. it isn't everyday you are offered a chance to graduate early and move on to something bigger and better like this. this could put you on the map and you could do things you've only dreamed of doing..whatever you decide to do you know I'm behind you 100 percent..but don't make a rushed decision, and when you make a decision, Do what you want..Make the decision for yourself not for everyone else..giles told me as buffy began and she seemed alittle upset, she led me to her bedroom as she began to ream me as I sat on the bed.

I could tell that buffy was upset and it was directed at me. I wandered why. I felt like I was trying to make the decision on everybody's behalf..buffy was having a hard time..giles decided not to go back to england because things were so different lately. Xander had been bumped up to a higher position at work and wasn't around as much as we would like..and Dawn. Dawn was in a world of hurt that buffy didn't even know about. How could I leave? but I wasn't doing what giles told me to do, I wasn't thinking about me first. I was thinking about my friends. I knew he was right. this decision had to be about me because I really did want this, but I didn't want to leave them behind, I knew what happened once friends seperated, you tried to do the long distance phone call thing and write letters but eventually the letters stopped and the next time you thought about it, you didn't even know who eachother were..you were strangers. and leaving Xander. I'd never been away from Xander. We'd grown up as friends..the best of friends and this seemed so sudden, I know he didn't want me to leave him. I understood why. But a part of me wanted to leave, if nothing else but to say that I left Sunnydale and did something remarkable in the outside world. but I felt like I was betraying my friends by doing so. but I could tell that buffy was on giles' side, she wanted me to take this oppertunity and she was letter her voice be heard, as usual.

"Will", Giles is right. You should make this decision for you. this is a great oppertunity. I know that when we graduated high school that you wanted to get out. to go to Yale or Harvard and do something with your life. it had been your dream and you just let it go to Settle. I know you didn't want to leave us and there was a part of you that enjoyed all of this fighting and saving the world stuff but it isn't forced upon you, you don't have to live like this. it isn't your job nor your destiny. I just get so mad at you sometimes..Here you are..you have this wonderful oppertunity and you blow it to settle at a community college and lose your potential, you weren't chosen to do this. and you have this great oppertunity now and you're going to blow it because of us..because of Sunnydale and what's here. I'd understand if it was Tara. but this makes me so angry. you have no idea how much,Willow..You can get out of Sunnydale, do what you want..you have this whole life full of surprises with no limits and you settle for my life..If I could,Will when I'd gotten word that I could go to the schools I was chosen to go to, I would've. But my life has limits. I know you all think of what I say as complaining and you don't understand, you couldn't. How could you? You chose this. I didn't. I can't go off and sail around the world..I can't go to a college of my chosing..I couldn't even stay in the college that I was allowed to go to.."I'm the slayer", nothing more. It just makes me so mad to see you blow everything for what I have. It's nothing to be jealous of. I'd trade places with you in a heartbeat, but I can't. Every morning I wake up and I do the same thing. I talk to dawn and make sure she's okay and I make breakfast, then it's old hat..slaying..I can't leave..you can. and we're not going to lose touch. you don't have to worry about anything..We can handle sunnydale without you. you've got this remarkable choice to make and you're giving it up..I've spoke with Tara before. We've gotten closer and I know she's your girlfriend and you love her but she told me how she knows you have potential to go places and do wonderful things, to go on paths that she can't follow you to, I'm sure she has her own dreams but they aren't the same. she knows that you have a journey and you keep giving up on it..if it would help you make the decison..I want you to leave. this isn't good for you. I have to give up everything and sacrifice, but you don't. and you don't want to be doing this the rest of your life..I know that. I know you regret not chosing yale or harvard..and don't deny it. We'll keep in touch, there's nothing going to split us up, Angel lives in L.A. and he's no stranger to us, we don't see him alot but when we do.."It's always special". it'll be like that..except without all of the bickering me and Angel do when he does show up..Buffy told me with a snicker".

I knodded. I knew she was right. I knew I had to go but I couldn't shake the feeling that I was leaving everything in a state that would be disastrous, whether buffy admitted it or not she wasn't doing well..and Dawn..she didn't even know what was going on with Dawn. but buffy was right. She and Giles could handle those things. It wasn't anything impossible. buffy could deal with that. she was the slayer and one of the strongest people I'd ever known, I told myself that I could do this. I could except. I knodded my head at buffy to tell her in whisper that I'd accepted and that we could work this out, we could still be friends..Afterall she was right. When angel came it was always special..and he was still our friend.."I could do this"..I said..Buffy overheard and smiled. It says you don't have to leave for another week, I don't think I should be the one to tell Dawn..you and her have such a tight relationship and she's been hard to reach lately. maybe you should talk to her or spend acouple of days with her before you leave..Buffy suggested as I knodded my head once again, I knew I had to get Dawn to understand that I'd still be in her life, I wouldn't be gone forever. That was for sure. but I knew she wouldn't see it that way, she now believed that everybody leaves eventually and to her, I'd be abandoning her. it hurt to think about leaving her in the emotional state she was in, but buffy was right, if I didn't do this now, my oppertunities would go away and it would be too late, If I didn't except I'd never know what I could do outside of Sunnydale. so I'd accepted with no way of knowing how to put it to dawn so she'd understand.


	2. Chapter 2

Ch.2 Saying Goodbye

--Dawns' Point of view--

I couldn't believe it, they stood downstairs going on about willows' big news and how they were going to tell me as if I wasn't smart enough to listen in, I heard most of their conversations lately. ever since learning I was the key and knowing they'd known long before I'd found out, I'd been quick to pick up on conversations through the heating vent I could hear everything that went on downstairs and I didn't care if they knew or not. and they were going on as if this was a good thing, I hated this. Everyone leaves..I muttered with disgust to myself..and willow promised me. she promised she stay here and help me with my problems. she'd said that she would help me explain to buffy what I wanted to do which was private, I hadn't shared it with anybody but willow and now she was leaving..Leaving! I flared with disgust". I could hear giles go on about how remarkable it was that she got this oppertunity, like he didn't pat her on the back enough, it was annoying how babbled on saying how he could've predicted it and how a girl like her shouldn't waste her talent and brains in a smalltown, especially Sunnydale. buffy didn't say much but I figured she was on there side too, "Goody For them", I muttered", I knew she was going to take it. I heard the excitement in her voice and how she kept going on about things she read in some booklet and I was beginning to wish I'd never have woke up, today was a major dissapointment, that was for sure. I groaned to myself as I could hear footsteps..I knew what was happening and if willow could leave without as much of a care, I wasn't going to act hurt. but I wouldn't come off happy for her either.

the door opened and willow let herself in smiling at me as she sat by me on the bed, her eyes brightly shining with excitement and her medium length crimson hair swaying from side to side as she smiled at me as if this was the best news, I hated her for leaving. she then babbled on that it wasn't often you got oppertunities like this and that after some thought she had decided to take them up on their offer, I wasn't shocked, I'd heard the speel through vent,and now it was time to hurt willow like she was hurting me. I hated her for this and the fact that "They", were going on along with this, made me furious.

"I think that it's a great Oppertunity", you'd be stupid if you didn't take it. I replied coldly, without much feeling at all".

"You mean", dawnie, that you don't care. it's okay if I leave and only visit you on holidays and stuff. that's really okay with you. I don't want you to hold anything back..Willow told me and I knew she meant that but in a way, I wasn't.

"No", Leave. You have nothing to stay for anyway. buffy's the slayer and you're no use to her. Giles isn't your watcher, even though he thinks he is..and Me..I don't need anybody..Actually, I want you to leave..I growled as she gave me a knowing look walking towards me as I stepped to the side", Leave", I don't want to talk to you anymore. Friends who can only manage to visit on the holidays don't really care..Go live your life..I snapped as she walked towards me whispering.."Dawnie", I didn't..But I ignored her opening the window and sliding out into the sunshine, I didn't want to be near her. I knew she had her reasons and I knew I was overreacting but it was willow.."Now I am alone", I muttered. buffy is a good sister but she's the slayer first and giles..sometimes he's just too stuffy..and Xander is so busy with Anya he doesn't notice anything or anyone..I thought to myself in instant dispair sitting in the grass outside, it had been a long climb to the bottom, being on the second floor of a two story house, but I'd done it afew times and here I was..and maybe I'd truly gotten to a point to where I was happy that she was leaving.."The sooner the better", I whispered to myself falling asleep in the grass, not caring who passed or what they thought".

EXT. SUMMERS HOUSE - MOMENTS LATER

P.O.V. DAWN - LATER

I could feel Xander helping me up he'd just shown up afew minutes ago as he'd been talking to them inside and had come out to check on me as if I was some headcase that needed constant supervision as I brushed myself off and took acouple of steps back.

"I am fine", Okay..I growled out", I don't need anyone to worry about me Xander. Just leave me alone", I yelled at him as I walked away and into the house, running straight for my room,passed willow and everything that was going on in the dining room with willow, I vowed that I never wanted to see her again, but i was lying to myself, I was just hurt. I had nothing here. Nothing was mine and nobody stayed to care what i was going through, buffy wasn't my sister, this really wasn't my home. Maybe I truly didn't belong afterall.

But I could hear footsteps hours later after company had left and it was just us, it was willow on the other side of the door begging me to let her in, to let her in so I could explain why she'd excepted this offer and that she'd help me with whatever I needed, she'd call and come back for visits, she wouldn't dissapear from my life. but I wasn't stupid, I knew that all people say that at first to make the ones left behind worry less, I knew that once a month went by, she'd forget all about me, she'd have a life of her own and and we'd all become distant parts of her memories left in the passed, that's what happens when people move away. I knew he wasn't my father, but that's what he'd done, he'd left us behind and started a new life, even buffy hated him and he was her real father. Even Angel and Riley left and didn't call as much anymore. so how could anybody blame me for feeling like this..and once there was no willow, Tara would leave too. God, I hated my life. I hated it and there was nothing willow or Buffy could say to make me be alright with this, Not even Giles could prove to me that this was for the best. and she was leaving just when she'd promised me that everything would be okay, that she'd help me find my real family, that she'd prove to me that somebody somewhere was missing me and they were missing out on my life just as much as I was missing out on theirs and now she was leaving, a part of me hated her for that. but another part of me couldn't hate her, she was willow.

"Go away", I shouted as she knocked harder, "Just go back and leave", the sooner the better..I screamed at the top of my lungs as I could hear her step down the hallway whispering something to buffy but I didn't hear, I didn't want to hear what they said to eachother as I was alone again as I could hear every once in a while in the other room willow rummaging through her own belongings contemplating whether to take everything with her to Washington or leave some things behind for when she visited as I knew buffy was with her, helping her pack and I could hear them talking about how awquard it would be once she was gone, but that she was proud of willow and would've been bitter and angry if she would've turned this oppertunity down, I knew Xander by now was downstairs talking to giles about this and I just wanted to go to sleep and wake up to learn that all of this had been a dream, a stupid, meaningless dream that would never happen. Willow would never leave, she'd never put us behind her like this, so it had to be a dream..I told myself, closing my eyes and drifting into dreams of the way it should be when I knew deep down in my heart, that it hadn't been a dream at all. this was happening, happening, whether I liked it or not.

But my dreams were centered on willow and these weren't dreams, they were nightmares. in my dreams willow traveled to washington, she aided the FBI in special cases and created special programs on the computer for research on FBI Criminal Profiling and after the first three weeks she spent in Washington we didn't see her expect on Christmas, she was different, not the same willow. she looked down on us and the way we fought and saved the world, wore furr coats and silk shawls purchased at special stores for the wealthy, most of the time spent with us was telling us how good she had it in Washinton and how next year she may not come back for christmas, that she was pregnant and that it would be too much for the baby to travel..and after that we'd never see her again. Every once in a while we'd get a post card from either washington or in the summers when she went to Paris and France telling us how she missed us and how she wished she still knew us, but even letters faded until their was nothing but pictures and memories of the way it had been, the way it could never be again..and few moments before I opened my eyes, I saw a picture of willow, laughing..the way it had been before she'd gotten this oppertunity..and I feared, feared that my nightmare might come true.

I could feel as the door opened as Buffy sat beside me stroking my hair as she'd told me that I'd just missed willow, that she'd taken an early flight and that her father had wanted to see her off and she'd told me that willow wanted me to forgive her but she understood.  
"I know it seems hard right now Dawnie", But Willow had to do this for herself. she's got alot of potential and I couldn't ask her to give it up for us. she could've went to harvard or Yale when we graduated high school but she gave all of that up to stay in Sunnydale, to fight and save the world and go to a simple college so we wouldn't be split and she fought going and I don't want you to be mad at her or me. but I told her that she had to, she had to go and see what was in store for her, for if she didn't she'd regret it and she'd hate me for holding her back, I told her to make this decision for herself and that we would be alright. Giles is around and I can manage to take care of you..and she promises to stay in touch,Dawn..I know you're a teenager and I was you're age once and I remember how you feel, but don't begrudge willow this chance to show herself that she's someone special, she's always been jealous of me, always wanted to be the one with the power, and this is her chance to prove to herself that she can go far and we'll do whatever we have to do in the meantime, but we're friends and friends sacrifice things for eachother..and I think that you're old enough to understand that..she told me that in a week or so she'd call us and fill us in on everything..If I thought our friendship could be destroyed over this, I'd be worrying. now come downstairs and have some breakfast, Giles is cooking this morning..Apparently he doesn't like my cooking..Buffy called to me as I forced myself not to laugh at her joke, I wasn't happy and I wasn't going to pretend as If I were.

But I allowed myself to follow her downstairs, I knew that they didn't want to hear my feelings, how I truly felt. they only wanted to hear what made them feel better, they didn't want to know how much of an outsider I really felt like, how I didn't really belong here, this wasn't really my family and how every night I dreamt of places and people that I didn't know, places and people that could very be my home..My family. so far now I kept quiet knowing that willow had left without so much a word to what we'd discussed about my problems but I wasn't giving up on it. even though my crusade could bring my friends down, for once, I was doing this for me. 


End file.
